As I stare at the screen, I ask myself "Does this life offer much more than it is?". Sometimes I feel it isn't and at times, I do just feel like walking away. It's as if I've seen enough that I just want to close this chapter and my life and move on to the other world. The nights are always lonely, even when you're friends are around and yet, just yet, you feel lonely, isolated and in despair. It's as if I feel aimless, not knowig my bearings, where my north is. I wish for a guide to it. Maybe a true partner in life is more like it. No, not as a wife or something, but just someone to share the ups and downs, the pains and pleasures, the loves and the lusts, and the deeds and the sins. This sounds immoralistic but come to think about it, it's what the heart truly desires. I don't want to be tied down whatsoever. I want to be free and so too those around me. I don't want hang-ups, no trainer wheels to keep me up. Just someone to smile and look as lovingly be it a friend or lover. I know I am confused but at the age of 24, the crossroads looms very close. In fact too close for comfort.
I'm reduced now to roaming on the net, looking for thrills, human fallacy's, doubts, sexual inhibitions, and plain idiocy. So that I can laugh and feed my fantasy's and desires. I realise that this is foolish and soo disconnected but what am I? I do not know myself anymore at times. I stare into the mirror and not recognise myself no more. It's as if I have not changed yet I'm not the same no more. A dark ugly monster is growing up and is about to be unleashed. Oh dear higher being, what am I to do? What am I to do? May something guide me to the fullfillment of my true desires in life before tis poor damned soul sleeps for the last time and exhales that foul breath for it's final wretched time.
No comments:
Post a Comment