Moonlight sorrow

As I sit under the moonlight, I feel of only one thing which is pain itself. A pain which indescribable unless you have had felt it before. I'd never or try not to hurt people that I care but I do get hurt bythem in the end. Why? Is it because I'm of the passive type or they just think that I'm some loser. To be spat on and be grounded into the dirty grits of your shoe soles?

Don't you care how I feel? I don't think you do at the moment or at least you seem to portray yourself to be. I don't blame you for the sequence of events and the maelstorm or rumours and allegations surrounding had conspired to create such an impasse. Surely you think of me as scum and some rowdy lout don't you? If you only knew the truth.

I am not totally the person whom you think I am so far. If you tried harder, if you did care and do have feelings for me, I'm someone who only thinks the best only for you, unbiased, trying to see things in a bright light no matter how hard it seems, and accepts one be it the good and the bad of you.

I've tried to end it all before, twice in fact. But in the end, a voice within me tells me this; "You have to fight on, no matter how horrible the images that you see for without fighting, the war has been lost". I've broken down and cried many times in private. Of the disappointments in life, of the tragedy's, of the mistakes that I have made, and of the consequences of everything of the path I have had walked before. I'd go insane if I continued. I seriously would have. But I can't, cos I don't want to cry or can't shed the tears no more. It's all out and gone. The only thing that tells me of the pain is the heart itself and the mind.

I wish for things to be better. To be back to the days when we were all giddy and smiling, and being compassionate for each other. I miss it soo very much. IF I could turn back the clock and said the things that I should have in the 1st place my muse, I would have. I really would have. But I can't in reality. All I can do is to face it and go about to make things better. IF I could, I'd be on my knees asking for another chance to start all over and rekindle that feeling that you had for me once. I'm sad and disstressed, and you know it for I can never hide that from you